do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
