I heard we made out
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
