Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
