My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
