I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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