This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
