Moan for me like Helen Keller
our cab driver is having phone sex.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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