so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
