did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
