I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
