Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
