New low: just hacked my moms facebook
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
