a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
