this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
