Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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