Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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