so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
