I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
