"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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