You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
