just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
