yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
this just has baby written all over it
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
