Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i've created a new STD.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
