grandma shit on top of the toilet
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
