Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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