Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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