im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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