my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
