I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
