New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
