Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
