maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
only if we run a train.
done.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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