How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
