Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
