that's an acceptable place to lick
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
