i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
