I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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