I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
