You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
