I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
