my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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