i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize