Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
