theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
