i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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