just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
