She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
