what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
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I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
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Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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