his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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