My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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