Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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