i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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