I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
