Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
