dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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