How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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