STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
