its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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