No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
