Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
