Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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