please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
