My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
