I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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