WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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