so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
