Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
