can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
