I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
