I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
