The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
