He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
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They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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