just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
