You really coming over, don't trick.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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