tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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