Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
