She's JV to your varsity
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
