Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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