i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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