I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
