3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
