aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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