How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
