"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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