Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
