but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Pants are for mortals
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