A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
