Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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